This was too long for one post, so here's the second part. Please read part one first.
Wednesday, April 5
th Don’t care about classes anymore. Only care about bike seat and squirrels. Saw one through the window, just hanging out on the seat. Got mad. Chased it away again.
Friday, April 7th
In retaliation, squirrel left a disgustingly moldy dinner roll on seat. Soggy. Didn’t want to touch it, but had to in order to throw it into the trash.
Saturday, April 8th
Sick of water leaking up through hole and getting on pants. Also, have sneaking suspicion that increase in number of holes in seats of jeans due to rubbing against velvet coating of bike seat. Decided to fix both issues at once by duct-tapping the seat. Bike looks awesome with half-duct taped seat. Duct tape is so silver and shiny, it fits right in with the chrome colored handlebars. Take that, squirrel.
Sunday, April 9th
Squirrel felt it had lost control of the situation when I chased it away and then duct-taped the seat. Decided to commit most atrocious act yet. Found relatively large, olive-colored leavings on seat when I got home from church. Had minor apoplectic attack, then went inside, got paper towels, and cleaned it off. Came off easily, at least.
Monday, April 17th
Olive-colored leavings on seat again, only more this time. Squirrel is obviously one step ahead. Came up with three phase plan. Completed Phase 1 today: brainstormed anti-squirrel measures, came up with some good ideas. Top ideas: 1) removable spikes, kind of like the ones they put on roofs to keep pigeons off, 2) some sort of malodorous (to squirrels) repellent, 3) poisoned apple cores. Will have to think about these more before moving to Phase 2, design, and Phase 3, implementation.
Thursday, April 20th
Three phase plan compromised. Possible that squirrel read previous entry and moved up its own plans. Once again, bike seat was too wet to ride to class. After class, walked up to door and noticed strange yellow material all over welcome mat. Realized it was foam. Looked at seat. Titanium-like duct tape chewed through like tissue paper, previous nickel-sized hole now enlarged to something resembling crater. Didn’t know what to do. Tried re-taping with the no-longer impervious-seeming duct tape, but have little hope that it will hold against squirrel’s jaws of steel. Once threatened squirrel with death, now fear for my own life.
Friday, April 21st
Rode to class. Bike seat extremely uncomfortable, what with craterous hole. Am still alive, though. Have decided to surrender for safety’s sake.
3 comments:
Oh man, Cas. That was so funny. I laughed out loud. I'm sure everyone suspects me of reading your blog, now.
Maybe it's because I know you, but I thought it hilarious. Stupid squirrel!
The other day I went to see Stoker at the studio and there was a squirrel on top of the studio manager's car. And the front window was open. Perhaps the squirrel was planning to leave some offerings on the front seat?
HAHAHAHA!!!!!! Funniest thing I've read in a LONG TIME! *GREAT* post Cassi!!!! :)
Thanks, Nik and Becky. I merely want to alert people that squirrels are really a physical manifestation of the devil. I think that, perhaps, much like the snake-whacking day of the Simpsons, we should instigate a squirrel-whacking day. I'll make a special squirrel-whacking club that will be embossed with squirrel-skull and crossbones. And some sort of ritualistic old-English saying, like "Retvrn to thine fovl Master, spawn of Evile." Yes, complete with the u's that look like v's. Excellent.
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