So it's that most glorious time of the year again. You know what time I'm talking about. No, not the holidays, stupid. It's January, for crying out loud. I mean the time of year when my car is constantly covered with the sugar-salt-sand mix they plaster on the roads, when my parking lot turns into a skating rink for automobiles, and when the wind is so cold that I'm in constant danger of losing fingers and toes. Yes, it is that time. And let me tell you, I love it. Please, let me give you just a couple of examples of why it is, indeed, so wonderful.
First, freezing rain. Need I say more? Oh yes, yes I do. There's nothing quite like driving with both your windshield wipers on full speed and your defrost on full blast because the rain freezes on the glass if you don't. Unless it's walking out to your car the next morning and discovering that someone has replaced it with a 1997 Honda Civic-shaped ice sculpture. (As a side note, it took me fifteen minutes to chisel off the quarter inch of ice from my driver side window.)
Second, the lack of anything resembling a snow plow in the entire city of Omaha. Instead, they use a technique colloquially referred to (by me) as "sprinkling the snow and slush with crap in an effort to permanently disrupt the ecosystem by removing the nation's topsoil and mixing it with salt and sugar, thereby contaminating said topsoil and preventing its further use in agricultural settings, which doesn't matter anyway because it's no longer in an agricultural setting, unless you count the streets of Omaha since they're now covered with a nice, thick layer of sediment." You have to admit it's pretty amazing to come home from your vacation (all the while driving on the sandy morass of the streets) and find that the parking lot behind your apartment building is a solid sheet of 2 inch thick ice. And you thought tire chains were just for driving up canyons to ski resorts.
Finally, I'd like to say how much I enjoy the freezing temperatures coupled with gale-force winds, which seem to be concentrated in the fifty feet of space located directly in front of the entry to my work place. It's very invigorating, that life or death challenge of reaching the door. How many people have the good fortune to wake up in the morning, think, "Today I may lose my pinkie on my way to work," then drag themselves out of their warm bed to face the excruciating pain of slowly freezing to death?
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3 comments:
Oh Cassi...Reading your comment about how excellent my grammar was brought tears to my eyes...And yes, nearly every day I mean to text you and ask what happened that fateful Thursday. It was as much my fault as yours, because of work and the craziness of the holidays. We had 3 Christmases this year...Not that I'm complaining, but it made for quite the hectic season. We had better do something when you're here in April or I might just start looking for another best friend.
I've heard that freezing to death is quite peaceful . . . once you give up, and everything. It's like going to sleep.
Dear Cassi. If you lose Megan as a best friend, don't worry, the only best friend you need is ME.
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